Copyright (c) 2006 Audrey Burton
Why would an
ordinarily intelligent person choose to be uninspired? We all have
choices in life, so why choose apathy, negativity and/or fear? Mostly,
people make the choices they do because it serves them in some way and
perhaps they fear the unknown. I have heard this referred to as the
"comfort zone"; although I couldn't tell you what's comfortable about
misery and self-doubt.
Two concepts that really help me are "Life
is not easy" and "Life is not fair." These may not sound very inspiring
or uplifting, but they help me all the time. Knowing in advance that
life is not easy or fair aids me in accepting, dealing and forgiving.
For example, my daughters lost their father over 2 years ago. It was
difficult for all of us. I learned a lot about myself in this
experience, and became a stronger person - whether I wanted to or not.
Believing
that life is not easy or fair made it easier to deal with reality.
Many, many children have grown up without a father and lead very happy
lives. We were fortunate in many ways compared to other children. They
knew their Dad and had a great relationship with him, he wasn't killed
in war and didn't suffer a terrible disease like AIDS - many children
must deal with these situations today. It's really not fair, but we're
not alone, and we count our blessings.
My younger daughter has a
habit of comparing herself to others and worrying what others are
thinking about her. Having a deep understanding that life isn't fair
really helps both of us in these situations. Comparing ourselves to
others is a dangerous business! Everyone has their gifts, and they are
not always apparent.
It's easy to see when someone has the gift
of outer beauty, but not so easy to see when someone has the gift of
healing or perception. While my daughter may be smart and have other
gifts, it isn't fair for her to compare herself to another child who
can run a mile in 7 minutes at age 10.
As adults, we feel judged,
too. In some ways, this does serve us. We dress up and use our best
manners when applying for work or trying to win a big contract because
frankly, we are being judged. If, however, we don't go to the gym
because we're afraid of being judged based on our appearance, that does
much more harm. Nobody is great at everything and we should appreciate
not only others' gifts, but our own as well.
Fully understanding
the profundity of life being neither easy nor fair contributes to my
happiness every day. I no longer blame and minimally judge. I don't
waste energy with useless comparisons of outer beauty or success.
Instead I put my energy into tasks and strategies that will ultimately
result in happiness - for me and for others. I am happy because I work
at it, and I am grateful.
